Archive for the ‘Facebook Rejection Letters’ Category

I woke up this morning to yet another incoherent Facebook message from some random dude telling me how I should be his baby’s mummy. O.k. he really said baby momma (as if). For the sake of anonymity we will call his, Mr. I’m a Boss (thug) IABT for short and convenience (laziness). Mr. IABT thought I’d be interested to know that he could protect me cause he’s not afraid to cap a fool – I’m translating as best as I can, and that he just bought a Chrysler 300. Of course I did what any conscious but facetious consumer would. I told him that the handling sucked, the mpg was lower than that of last year’s Ford F-150 and the safety rating was poor. I thought this would throw him off but he just kept on babbling about his new apartment and his new gold chain and all this material wealth he has been hustling the streets of a city with a really high crime rate for. Honestly I thought being a thug was out of style but apparently there are still women out there attracted to criminals inadvertently perpetuating this cycle. On a serious note, this is really frustrating. However, I really do hope Mr. IABT wakes up and gets up out of his lifestyle before it’s too late. If The First 48 is any indicator of how things end, it won’t be pretty.

In light of this, I’m going to help break this cycle. Below is my list of Don’t and Do Cares.

#1. I don’t care that you’re making money, I care about how you’re making it.
#2. I don’t care about what car you drive, I care about what’s driving you.
#3. I don’t care how you look, I care about how you look at life.
#4. I don’t care how you talk, I care what you talk about.
#5. I don’t care where you live , I care about how you live.

And before I leave, for the ladies out there who are still attracted to criminals:

We (I say we because those of us who clearly aren’t interested should say why) are a part of the reason young men seek the wrong things. We seek the wrong things in them.

I don’t want a “thug” who’s forever looking over his shoulder in fear. I don’t find men who disrespect people entertaining or funny, because I don’t want him to disrespect me. I prefer intelligence, charm and humility. You don’t have to want those things, I’m just asking you to think about how much what you want affects what they do and what you get.

Remember, successful couples challenge each other to do and be better.

I am a big fan of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.  His “Thank You Notes” sketch is hilarious.  In light of my sincere appreciation of this concept, I have decided to do a “letters” blog sketch of my own.

Facebook may be a cool place for people to hangout (look at other people’s photos), catch up with old friends and family members (not you granny, sorry, having Mummy as a friend is already too weird).

But, it can be quite daunting because even with your privacy cranked up, random people can still send you messages.  I normally don’t check my messages for days, so I sometimes miss important messages from my younger brother who’s attending Uni in Canada and often sends me SOS’s intended for my parents.  However, it never ceases to amaze me that despite my “in a relationship” status and the photo of my extremely handsome boyfriend, men still manage to infiltrate my inbox.

The messages are sometimes polite, slightly disturbing, and occasionally downright disgusting.  So I started posting rejection letters on my wall.  It had such a great response that I’ve decided to run them here on my blog.  I know you must be concerned about my ability to write rejection letters.

Be not afraid!  Not only do I not have an agent for my literary endeavors (dozens of rejections), but when I thought I wanted to be a physician, I applied to twelve schools – I got into two!  Don’t worry, my ego snapped back when I got accepted to the only two PhD programs I applied to this year.

Today’s rejection letter goes out to Mr. “Igot Wot-UNeed”.

Dear Mr. Igot Wot-UNeed,

After carefully considering your research proposal and reviewing the relevant literature, we have concluded that “biological clock re-setters” are not conducive to women in serious relationships.  Biological clock stoppers are already in place and we have expert staff already working on maintenance.  In light of this, we cannot accept your application for potential husband and father.  But we do wish the best in your search for a good wife, and potential mother of your children.


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